You sir, are a retard

No, I’m not going to tell your dad.

Yes you are, and then I am going to get sodomized.

I don’t care about other children, I care about your results.

Really, then why the hell do you keep comparing me with the 3rd son of the 4th cousin of the cleaning lady of our next door neighbor’s brother-in-law?

You look really handsome in that!

And that dress doesn’t make you look fat :)

Zip up your jacket, it’s really cold outside!

I’ve already zipped up the other 20, this one too?

I never drank when I was your age

Yes, you did.

Babies are brought into this world by storks, which deliver them to the parents.

Guess the STORKS messed up, they sent me to the wrong address.

I don’t read your facebook page at all

Then what was the count of slang and cuss words on your journal?

We want you to have whatever you want.

But we are going to take you on a free ride to guilty-land, for buying it.

I’ve never heard of that thing.

My imaginary pet toad is better at deceiving than you.

We don’t want to put any pressure on you.

We want to fuck you up.

You shouldn’t need any more than this for the month.

You’ll run out of cash in the first week

I’m not going to say anything

I’m going to kill you with my invisible death ray.

But, fuck it, I still love them :P

Well, as my fellow UIETians know, Today we were subjected to an hour long torture by an obnoxious woman who likes to attend seminars and insult engineers, and, in addition, is also a bad salesman of what she was trying to sell(well, kind of)
I’m not saying you should cram up code, but at least you should know whom you’re working for, otherwise you either put a bad impression on everyone or end up in the bad side of a drug deal.

Here’s all of the obnoxious stuff she said:

“Open Source is for immature people who don’t want to pay for anything.”

“WP7 will give competitors a run for their money.”
-1% usage worldwide, and this is a really bold move, saying this.

“Windows is a secure operating system.”
-So, that’s why I have to download security updates every 15 minutes, and also check specks of dust for viruses.

“Servers are mostly run on Windows.”
-Please Google web hosting and list the number of hosts on the first page which exclusively give you windows hosting. They’re all based on LINUX! Well, mostly.

“Android is cheap. Hence it is for immature people.”
-So you mean I should just spend more and I will be smarter? Huh. Never knew that. Who needs an engineering degree?

“Engineers are lonely.”
-Well, yes.

“Microsoft doesn’t hire Indians for cheap labour.”
-Are you kidding me? No one would ever come to India if they didn’t get cheap labour

“Twilight is awesome.Team Edward FTW.”
*cocks shotgun**shoots*

/rant

Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

Client: “Is e-mail internet”?

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”

Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”

Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”

Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”

Client: “Open what?”

Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”

Client: “My…my…?”

Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”

Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”

Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”

Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”

Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”

Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”

Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”

Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”

Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”

Client: “My what?”

Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”

Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.

Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”

Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”

Me: “An error message?”

Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”

Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Move it for me.”

Client: “Move it?”

Me: “Yes. Move it.”

Client: “My e-mail!”